Not Accepting the Unacceptable

For those of you who’ve read my book Chasing Normal, you know that I encourage people to polish their self advocacy skills. As adults with disabilities, we don’t need to tolerate poor or disrespectful treatment by service providers. We have the right to say “This is unacceptable.”

I have no problem with self advocacy. In fact, I have a bit of a barracuda that dwells inside me. I work hard to keep that side of my personality on a VERY short leash. When it surfaces, it’s generally not attractive. However, I do use it when necessary.

Recently, I decided it was time to call the barracuda into action. My insurance plan allows me 50 sessions of physical (PT) and occupational (OT) therapy per calendar year. My doctor ordered PT and OT to help me regain my strength following some health challenges. My insurance carrier contracts these decisions to another company with PT’s and OT’s on staff. The decision was returned as granting me 4 visits. After another request I was granted 3 more but they stated that they view me as having a chronic condition and that I’m unable to benefit. –Oh really??

Someone who never met me and only barely read the reports is saying I’m hopeless? Then why do I pay for insurance? I found this to be insulting and abusive, not to mention discriminatory! Last year my nondisabled, very physically fit husband was in PT for at least 3 months to deal with an injury. Yet I, a disabled adult, am not afforded even half that time before being deemed “unable to benefit!”

This is precisely the kind of treatment we need to reject loudly and clearly. It is unacceptable to judge a person with a disability by the same standards used to measure the nondisabled. Whether through overt or covert means, discrimination in all its forms, is ugly and unacceptable. My personal decision was to write a very blunt letter detailing my intended actions if they chose to persist along this discriminatory path which would include: filing grievances with the insurance commissioner, my former employer’s insurance ombudsman, as well as pursuing a discrimination lawsuit to include damages for time and strength lost because of their actions.

Following my letter I was granted 2 sessions per week for 5 weeks. It’s not great, but it’s something. It’s progress. And, it’s progress directly related to my refusal to accept the unacceptable. It is said that, for everything, there is a season. There is a season or a reason to fight back when you’re on the receiving end of injustice. It’s time consuming and exhausting and there are far more preferable ways to utilize limited energy. But receiving fair and equitable treatment is the right of every individual. And saying “ENOUGH” and not backing down is, sometimes, the only means to that desired end.

May you know your own strength if/when you need to say “ENOUGH!”

Light and blessings,

dinah

Dinah Chaudoir Federer is the Author of Chasing Normal: A Guide for the Newly Disabled and for Those who Love Them which can be purchased at Chasing-Normal.com or Amazon.com

Your Story - A Wand of a Weapon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my personal story. You know “the one”. Your story is comprised of the memories you pull up when someone says “So, tell me about yourself.” Or, your story becomes the memories you retrieve when people begin swapping stories. These are the memories that define you.

I’ve also caught myself retelling/reliving stories and memories from the past in casual conversation. As I’m doing it I’m asking myself “How is retelling this helpful to anyone?” Is it even relevant to the person you are today? Do you want to be associated with these stories anymore?

It occurred to me that my list of stories about surviving health challenges, disability issues, employment concerns, divorce---are both my badge of courage and my liability! Yes, I’m stronger internally because of surviving these things. I’ve gained a broader perspective because of my experiences—all of my experiences—the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. But I’m at a point where retelling them as casual conversation is feeling limiting. Does that make sense?I/we are so much more than our stories and memories. We’re works of art that are forever works in progress! For me, retelling my stuff, is like removing 5 layers of a beautifully crafted, genius-inspired, multi-layered painting and going back to the original sketch over and over. In pondering this and trying to decide if my stories were my wand or my weapon I thought to myself, “all of the broccoli you’ve eaten over the years has made you stronger too but you don’t relive that in conversations! What good comes from the retelling?”

This is when I realized my stories were not my wand. I wasn’t using them to create something dynamic and important. I wasn’t retelling them to build rapport with someone in the same boat. I wasn’t fearlessly facing them to make lasting peace treaties within my mind and heart. I was just playing a tape that was old and tired and had no purpose for anyone. Without realizing it, my stories were becoming unintentional weapons that repelled the very creativity I wanted to nurture in my own life! They were becoming liabilities!

I suddenly became grateful for this flash of insight. Retelling our stories may be absolutely right and eloquent when trying to build rapport with another wounded soul. Reliving the past can be a courageous step toward inner peace if that is the goal. When it’s retold with intent to heal it can be powerful. But when it’s part of idle conversation, or mindless complaining, or just a habitual reaction, it limits me. It stifles my inspirational insights. It slams the door on creativity. It ties me to what was and blocks the millions of paths leading to what could be.

Lets all consider what we could create when we consciously use our words as our wands of creativity!! Florence Scovel Shinn wrote the book YOUR WORD AS YOUR WAND in the 1920’s or 1930’s. She knew 80 years ago what we all need to remember today!!

Enjoy your creations!
dinah

www.chasing-normal.com

What would you do if you woke up tomorrow with a disability?

What would you do if you or a loved one woke up tomorrow with a disability? How would you cope if you couldn’t do what you loved best in your spare time? How would you know what to do if someone you loved needed your emotional support following the on-set of a new disability? These questions are quite fear provoking and yet very real. Given that we have soldiers coming home daily with permanent disabilities, these questions are multiplying exponentially in our country.

Chasing Normal: A Guide for the Newly Disabled and Those Who Love Them is meant to help the newly disabled especially, and their families calm down, get centered and take their individual journey one step at a time. As she says in her book, becoming disabled is like being dropped in the middle of a foreign country and told to find your way home. Chasing Normal is meant to act as a compass on this often overwhelming path.

www.chasing-normal.com